Im at strip club and am horny
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
