I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
