he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
