this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
