So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
