You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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