So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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