and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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