Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
