Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
