I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
