Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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