I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
