Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my being single is dangerous.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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