NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
