When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
