just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
