I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
