She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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