woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
