Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
