please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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