Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
