I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
