Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
