Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
