How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
