Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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