im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
