morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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