i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
