My balls are so social today.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
