maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
