I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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