just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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