**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The uberlube is also flammable
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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