I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
