DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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