The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?