dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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