dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Porn is love you can see.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.