I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.