dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
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youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.