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Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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