UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy