Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.