Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.