he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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