i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.