we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This gyro tastes like lonliness
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?