It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
