does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
