Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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