I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
