I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
