just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
