I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
