Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
