YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
