Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize