Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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