An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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