Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
