i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
