He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
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holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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