have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
