bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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