well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
