At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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