my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
