My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
