I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
