Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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