Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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