my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize