I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
