Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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