I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
