proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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