therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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