it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
