She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
