You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
