I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
