Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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