i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
