Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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