I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
