dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
