C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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