beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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