Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
