What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
