My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
