Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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