She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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