So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
