Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize