Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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